From the author's experiences with argyreia nervosa, with minor corrections for grammar. Visit the author's homepage at http://shapeless.spymac.net/

I felt with my body how world around me was darkening. I felt I was dying. Death was a wind for me. Silent, sneaking, filled up with power. I felt a tension, pressure from within wanting to tear me apart.

I knew, that if I lose more energy, it would take only moments to die. I was stalking the death and the death was stalking me. I felt how death was waiting for me - for my mistake to sweep away my world. My only chance to extend my pityful existence was through maintaining energy.

Although I was sure I was dying anyway, as I thought I can`t help against energy flowing out from me - I didn`t feel any regret about wasted life. To be right, my thirst for life gave me the power to avoid from such kind of indulging. I was watching the dirty room around me - the place of my last fight. I didn`t care. I remembered my life and felt I`m ready to die. My last actions were directed by intent to die stately. I began to wait.

For a second the wind turned into an orcane, the room around of me was like a dissociating 2-dimensional picture. I tried to hold pieces of this picture together. I felt cramps in my stomach. Then suddenly, the cramps stopped. I knew I would live. Although for a moment the world dissapeared, I drew it back with my will.

Unfortunately firmly telling myself I will survive, I felt myself weaken - the power from my actions began to leave.





INTENT OF DREAM

This was my first experience ever with power-plants. Eight hours, the promised time to wear off the effects of argyreia, was over. I was expecting the hallucininogenic trip, but nothing happened. So i was really dissapointed, fighting with the world around of me - trying to fade it away, to get my missing experience.

With no success. And then - I felt, how something (and someone) inside of me began to unfold.

At once, i was entering into the Universe of energy. All was the energy, all was the dream. Cold, frightening, lonely dream.

INTENT OF LOVE

The absence of the warmth and love was touchable, my (regular) inner being was crying for them ... Til they came into my dream.

I felt the energy of love around of me. I felt so sorry that I hadn`t noticed this before in my life. I felt the blocks, hindering the free flow of energy inside of me, I was able to release these blocks. Seized by sick inspiration, I did it again and again.

All the blocks were melting. Seeing and hearing expanded into extremely clear. Colors were vivid. The air was filled by tranquil hum, the source of which was unknown. There was only harmony. For some time, until I got tired.