I got some Voacanga africana seeds from a friend and wanted to try them. I took a hammer and crushed 35 seeds- a gram I think- between some paper plates on a brick. I was surprised to see some green stuff in with the crushed seeds, so some of them must have been fertile.

I put the crushed seeds into big capsules and it filled 2 and 2/3 of them. I took 1 and 2/3 capsules at 7 in the morning. I use no coffee, cigarettes or alcohol and I meditate. I smoked a bowl of cannabis to relax me and listened to music.

A while ago I had a girl friend who was abusive and used me (I was madly in love with her and still am) and then broke up with me. She has been coming around again and I wanted to get rid of my attraction to her before I let her hurt me again. The last time she came over, she put a trinket she had given me on top of the television so I would see it all the time and think of her. I was looking at the trinket and thinking I wanted no more part of her when a voice said “Is that your intent?” I had read about Iboga a little but did not think something like this would happen to me on such a small dose. I should say that I was in a quiet state of mind.
I responded back after a second “yes”. At this point the outside world seemed not very interesting to me.

The music sounded flat and even though it was one of my favorite space music pieces it took me nowhere. I was pulled inside. If I tried to pull back to the outside world, I felt a slight nausea and vertigo. I stayed this way for a while.

My current girl friend came into the room and wanted sex.
I obliged, but it was difficult because the inner pull kept asking me to leave the outside world. After, I noticed that textures of fabrics looked different, but this was the only thing in the outside world to interest me. I took the other capsule.

I turned inside again, and the voice told me it wanted stillness and to turn off the music. In the quiet I was made aware I was not listening to the spirit of the plant. The plant has it's own rhythms and wants me to go slow.

I was taken to the place of perfect peace and stillness and told to wait there (for it). Because of the small dose, the effects were not strong enough to hold me there, and my mind wandered. Several times more I was brought gently back to that place and told “Be still. Wait here”. I had a great realization that I was here to see myself, but could not hold on to it. My mind became distracted again and vertigo and a slight headache set in. I realized that only by staying both physically and mentally still would the physical symptoms go away.

All of a sudden I felt surrounded by a great feeling of love- and one coming from me- for the spirit of the plant, who was now felt as a presence. I was made aware of the great love this plant had for me and how gentle, loving and caring it is. It wishes only good for you and wants to help. I was taken back to the time in my life when my life was perfect and shown how things had changed and how I had reacted to the changes, finally ending in the present. I was shown that I had to not change what I was doing so much as my attitude towards it. Don't let the material world use you, use it. Be your own master, don't let the outside world run your life.

I looked at my life from that point onward to now in glimpses over the next few hours and saw how my attitude should change and what it should be. Finally I became very tired and dizzy and went to sleep. When I awoke I had a headache that got worse for several hours until I took some advil and ate some food. The headache got less painful but did not go away until several hours later. I feel I was given spiritual strength and put back on the right path. I feel whole again. I want to stay at the center and not do anything to change the balance that I feel again in my life.

I don't feel any more attraction for that woman, and my other worries seem less now too. I don't think what I took would be close to a full dose by native peoples thinking, but what I took was enough to make me want to try it again, this time with 50 or 60 seeds. The bad effects were only noticed a little bit and might not be too strong with that many seeds. The dizziness would be uncomfortable if it got much stronger than it was. You would have to stay very still not to get dizzy, and stay very peaceful in your mind. Every time I tried to think about something not involved in the trip it made me dizzy, too. I think there is a place where the good effects are stronger than the bad ones and it is at low amounts of seeds. Too many more seeds and it would be hard to enjoy, I think. It would be too hard on your body.